When we are young, we hear the word 'Listen' more times than we like. We need to listen to our parents and teachers and it is also vital for our safety and learning about the world that we listen and do as we are told. Then, we grow up and it is our time to finally 'talk' and for others to listen to us.
Deep down, we would like or even expect everyone to listen to us. We fall in love or become very fond of people, merely because they listen attentively to us, expressing this way their pleasure in our company and everything we have to say. Other times, we feel depressed, prisoners in relationships where nobody is really listening. And then, at times, we forget to listen ourselves.
Being a Life Coach, I was given the most wonderful gift of learning how to listen all over again. Listen as if my life depended on it. It is a pleasure to see how people appreciate it, how they open up and show other sides of their personality. People feel safer and more secure when they are listened to and they can begin to trust.
Listening more than talking makes somehow complete sense; after all we already know what we want to say whereas we have no idea what others think; this is new knowledge and makes us richer in so many different ways.
Profound listening leaves no room for assuming and misconceptions. There is clarity and certainty. It comes without judgments or comparable stories about ourselves. It is all about the person we are listening to.When one stops talking, it does not necessarily mean one stops thinking or finished talking…not by a long way. This is when they silently ask for space to verbalize an idea, an opinion, an emotion. The listener’s role is to stay silent and ‘listen’ to body language; pay close attention to every detail. Communication still takes place with a gesture, a specific look or a sudden smile; with the choice of words and the emotion they express with them. It is up to us to learn to pick up on all that and listen carefully. The information is already there. Life Coaching is not the only profession or role that needs excellent listening skills. All professions, teachers and parents could have better results if they invested in deep listening. And…what about profound listening to ourselves? How often do we do that? I consider myself lucky to have attended deep meditation courses where you spend days in silence and you reach incredible levels of self-awareness. This is about listening closer to our needs and true spirit.Take a moment and think about ‘the good listeners’ in your life and reward them with recognizing silently the time, respect, empathy and courage they are offering you. Chances are they are your good friends. You know when you are well listened to the exact moment you talk or you might get a pleasant reconfirmation when someone has been listening so well that days or months later, they remember to call you or act upon a wish you had expressed, just because they had nicely registered how important it was for you. Then, it is like a little miracle, the juice of life.“You remembered!”. “Of course, I listened to you!”.That is one solid way deep relationships are made. Why would we care about anything less than fulfilling relationships? I wonder.